Sunday, August 06, 2006
hah.seems like people around me are having problems similar to mine.wth ah.today i was having an okay day.at least a boring one.dat was, until someone hadta piss me off.see.everything i predicted has happened.everything i do or say is wrong.i noe i am pharkin stoopid.im jinxed.what more do u want from me???just enjoy urselves like how ure doin rite now.u are happier without me, everyone is, i can tell.and i am happier now.at least if not happy, im at peace.
anyways, my company wont make any difference in the situation.
if anything it might just worsen the situation.
so, here come's my fave quote "dont bother"
and please lah.
dun tell me what to feel and dun ever tell me what to do.
what, am i supposed to do everything u say and ask me to?
u say u wanna help.
well here's sumthing to help me at.
help understand me.
u dun hafta ask me to noe how i feel.
im sure u have feelings, so all u hafta do is just sit n think.
just sit and think how would u feel if u were in my shoes.
dun just blame and accuse and instruct without thinking.
what de hell do u need me for?
im sure u'll be too busy now rite, wats wif projects and stuff.
so again, dun bother.
like u said, no one needs me, what else do u want from me???
or is this just u feeling bored, hence causing u to want to pick fights wif me?
is dis something u enjoi doing?
i dun think so.
well at least i hope not.
but seems like u do.
enjoying this, i mean.
maybe ure just trying to make better the situation, but heres an advice.
don't.
u dun wanna take the risks.
it may get into a bigger mess den it already is.
i never had a problem hanging out with u all.
at least i never wanted to.
i just felt like keeping myself shut and just spend more time wif myself.
is dat a sin???
wtf.
now i feel like i cant do anything right.
if i cant even keep quiet whenever i feel like it, den i say this really is too much.
its pharkin ridiculous ah.
its my pharkin life.
do i hafta ask ur permission if i wanna do anything at all??
ape siak.
dis is like wtf ah.
u noe, i never had a problem with u.
but suddenly, u created dis problem which came from i dunno where.
i think u are confused.
u think i am mad at u people.
u think i am still mad at her.
i tell u now, i am not.
the reason why i dun hang around with u all nimore is just because i dun want to.
cant i choose if i wanna hang out anot??
wtf.
if u think im treating u guys differently, think of how u are treating me.
maybe u dun realize it, but yea what u did hurt me a lil.
i just dun wanna say it cos i dun wanna make a big fuss out of it.
again, i dun wanna make this a bigger mess den it already is.
i tell u one thing eh.
if ure good to me, i'll be good to u at least twice in return.
if ure bad to me, i'll be worse den u at least 3 times in return.
actually i dun even noe why u, of all people, brought up the subject.
why??
u saw a change in my attitude towards u?
well.
one thing, it was because i didnt even see u dat much last week rite.
so wat do expect.
anyways, i could see dat u were busy with stuff, so i didnt wanna bother.
if u cud still remember, i even asked u along if u wanted to follow us watch movie.
but u said u got class, so okay ah.
lemme refresh u on wat happened last week.
mon: didnt see u in sch the whole day, but met u at tamp after school.
tues: i went to meet faz, left early so didnt get the chance to meet u. if not i'd get a nagging from her. at the end of the day, i went back to tamp but ur behaviour was intolerant so i just went like wtf. do u remember when we were at small mac, u gave me dat look? so i tot maybe he's just havin his temperaments. we made de effort to meet u all before we went back, but nina didnt reply, so we headed home.
wed: i hadta return to school bcos nobody told me about the access card thingy. u went out after dat.
thurs: u had ur fren over and went to itas. i did hang out with u all at itas for abit before my jap.
fri: again, i hadta leave school early to meet faz. i prefer not to get nagged. and i didnt follow u all to seoul garden cos i told u ppl im saving up to pay my bills. at least the movie is cheaper den seoul-gardening.
so who do u wanna blame now??
blame me for what, treatin u differently?
and please lah, dun gimme de pharkin crap of "aku carik faz bile dah tkde org laen pat sisi aku" ah.
i even told phuzz specifically "faz, ni mesti klau drg tau yg aku kluar ngan kau, mesti dey will think dat i went out with u because i haf nobody close to me nimore in school.."
but she only said jgn merepeklah, let dem think wat dey wanna think.
well, here's de fact.
she called me up on sun/mon and asked me to accompany her apply job at ikea.
i hadta be her temporary bf cos real one wasnt der.
so please get de facts right before u accuse people of stuff.
and when i told u dis, u didnt hafta turn the tables around and say dat "yelah, kau mane nak carik org, slalu org yg nk kene carik kau...".
wtf ah?!
u said it urself dat u all dun need me.
so, tell me why do i hafta sebok2 pat situ when im not needed?
u told me to live alone, so i guess i will.
u noe, i never wanted to "putuskan frenship" ni sume tau.
its like pharkin crappy and not to mention childish.
i only said i dun wanna get close to u all cos seems like de closer i am to u ppl, the more conflicts i get involved in.
i never told u to stop talking to me or pretend u dun noe me.
wth.
seriously ah.
u guys haf ur own life, just do whatever u want.
peace.
i'm emo @ 8:23 PM
